The Arbitrary Nature Of Fear And Worry

This article is about the arbitrary nature of fear and worry and the way that your subconscious ignores most of your ‘real’ fears in favour of just one, specially for you.

If you suffer from one of the many anxieties that modern life offers read on. From fear of being sick, fear of food poisoning, fear of fainting or going mad,fainting,blushing,needing the loo,having a panic attack,looking nervous,public speaking,being trapped; the list is endless.

Anxiety and fear is based on the idea that something bad is going to happen and that the terrible event is too awful to contemplate, it would be earth shattering and must be avoided at all costs.

Yet, is it not strange that so many different people suffer from so many different fears and anxieties, but each person suffers from just one? Yet all of them are rational, in the sense that they are all possible. Somehow the sufferer of a fear of X is very likely not to have a fear of Y, unless you have a fear of mathematics! Very rarely does someone worry about all the possible things that could happen to them. It is as if one fear is enough. We know that dreaded thing could happen, so we spend a lot of time and energy trying to reduce that possibility of that particular thing happening. Planning, avoidance and dread is the order of the day.

In my work as a therapist helping sufferers of anxiety I often ask them why they do not fear all of the other things that could happen in their life. They often respond with the confident assertion;” Oh I will deal with that if it happens”. In other words they cannot be bothered to worry about it in advance, even though the possible experience would be unpleasant and upsetting. They are too busy worrying about their own personal fear to spend time worrying about all the other ones, however possible or rational.

My point here is that the chosen fear is abitrary. The fear could be any one of a hundred possible ‘worst case scenarios’. Yet the subconscious has settled on just the one, leaving the other 99 to chance, with a happy go lucky shrug of the shoulders. We dismiss the 99.

How could this perspective help those that suffer from anxiety?

Well, it often helps to look to your strengths instead of dwelling on your weaknesses. By concentrating on your ability to shrug off all those 99 fears, you can use this fact to help build your confidence. Because you clearly are coping very well in a world of so many possibilities and have a natural ability in dealing with those 99 fears. OK, so you go weak and wobbly at your own chosen fear but look at how you deal with the 99. Resourcefulness is the opposite of anxiety and by musing on your innate happy go lucky attitude to the majority of terrible things that could happen is a confidence builder.

Try it.

Hypnotherapy In London

Smoking Versus Vaping

Try this blog post from my Stop Smoking Blog about Vaping and Smoking.

 

Ta!

How Avoidance Produces Anxiety

Avoiding fear is the main way to maintain or increase anxiety. Annoying but true.

Each time you make a plan to avoid some fearful situation it may seem like a good idea or even a little victory, but the reality is your anxiety has won another battle. And you are left depleted.

Avoiding an uncomfortable situation starts out as quite a sensible move. It is logical to avoid discomfort and to make a plan to find the path of least resistance. However when you repeat the pattern a number of times your confidence is slowly but surely being eroded.

What starts out as a safety procedure slowly becomes a prison routine.

This pattern of avoidance can be developed in a thousand unintentional ways. From choosing one mode of transport over another because one is ‘safer’. To being ‘picky’ about what food you eat in order to reduce the chance of getting sick.

Almost any form of social embarrassment can be become an anxiety if practiced. From needing the toilet, to blushing or sweating or stomach noises. If it’s on your list of ‘must avoids’ then anxiety is close behind.

Modern times has produced Modern Anxiety not just because life is busier and more pressurised but also because we are offered so many opportunities to avoid what we don’t like.

As we plan ever more intricate ways of avoiding possible discomfort our self-esteem is taken down another notch.

How Avoidance Creates Anxiety

Trump Anxiety in the Huffington Post

Trump Anxiety is real.

 

Here is my piece just published in the Huffington Post.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/andrew-cunningham/are-you-suffering-from-tr_b_13122622.html

Trump Anxiety is real

Modern times bring Modern Anxiety

Modern Anxiety

Trump Anxiety

 

 

Modern times bring Modern Anxiety

 

 

Mindfulness To Help Beat The Fear Of Being Sick

Try this blog piece and consider using Mindfulness to help rid the anxiety about throwing up

Article on the fear of being sick

Too much Social Media is making us hungry for real talking and listening.

The sight of a train platform of people staring at their phones or bemused shoppers stumbling down the street watching a screen is becoming commonplace. No wonder that the experience of talking and listening is becoming a sought-after commodity.

A new study  from the University of Michigan has produced findings that the internet makes us less connected to the things we really need, not more.

Though the internet appears to be about connection, the reality for many is that our phones and computers are more isolating than communal. Combine social media with busy lifestyles and you have a recipe for a more solitary existence which eats away at one of our most fundamental needs: human contact.

It is no wonder that I have seen a steady increase in the needs of ordinary people to book themselves into my office in Harley St  for some quality talking and listening one to one. Not always for ‘therapy’ but to discuss, explore and share in the way only two people can do ; sitting face to face in the same room at the same time.

Being plugged into the ‘online community’ is OK.

Regular meaningful conversations with a real human being is better!

One to one Mindfulness Meditation sessions in London

Some of you might not fancy the idea of a group meditation session. Maybe you fear that it will get too religious and the gongs will come out and a resounding “OMMMM” emerges while you get a bit embarrassed. You might have loads of questions you want to ask and fear that you won’t ‘get it right’ and be sitting there like a lemon…pretending.

Or maybe you just prefer the idea of the more intimate quiet one to one session where you can get a more personal connection going. Finding your own way of learning Mindfulness is always going to be the key and it could be that a one to one environment is better for you.

If a one to one style of learning appeals to you let me know.

 

 

How I came to Mindfulness Meditation

I started as a therapist back in 2001 using Hypnotherapy as my main ‘tool’ in trying to help people with their issues. I was lucky enough to be picked up by several TV companies who filmed my work with clients and as you can imagine by practice quickly bloomed.

The more I discovered about CBT the more I liked it and found it worked very well with hypnotherapy. It was as if CBT was the nuts and bolts and hypnosis was the icing on the cake, if you like mixed metaphors, that’s a humdinger!

Over the the last 2 years I have been using more and more mindfulness approaches with clients and find inviting the client to focus on the ‘here and now’ works very well. My office is on the third floor on Harley St and though not being noisy, the traffic provides a gently hum to listen to….one of the starting points of awareness…what can you hear?

A lot of people are put off by the idea of meditation for many reasons. Mindfulness however is so simple, so uncluttered with mumbo jumbo, so direct that practicing it is like falling off a log. It also dovetails very nicely with CBT because a lot of CBT is about not letting the mind run away with you…to keep your feet on the ground.